Five Times Will Really, Really Loved Merlin
by Veleda
Summary: Merlin and Will, from the beginning to the end. Merlin/Will. Spoilers for 1x10, "The Moment of Truth."


They were six years old, and Merlin and Will had known each other their entire lives. It was unavoidable, really. The village was small, and there weren't many children now, not after last year's harsh winter. But that didn't mean that they were close. Will preferred to tag along after the bigger boys, insisting that the other children his age acted like babies, and Merlin was the biggest baby of them all--his mother was always checking up on him, as if she was afraid of what would happen if she let him out of her sight.

Being a mama's boy would have been bad enough, but Merlin also avoided proper boy's games like hitting each other with sticks. Instead, he often went walking in the woods, at least when he could escape his mother's watchful eye. When another boy teased him about it, he only shrugged, and said, "There's lots of stuff in the woods, if you know where to look." Then he went back to his mother, who had been calling for him frantically. And then there was the fact that Merlin was just emweird/em. There was no one thing you could put your finger on, but everybody knew it. Even the grownups gave him funny looks, at least until his mother asked them if anything was wrong, at which point they would look away and quickly deny it.

All of that meant that Will mostly knew Merlin as the strange kid with big ears, and didn't pay much attention to him. He had better things to do, like try and impress the older boys.

Looking back, maybe that hadn't been such a good idea. Peter, the carpenter's beefy son, and two of his friends were all glaring down at him. "You got mud on my brand new shirt!" He shouted, poking Will hard in the chest. Will thought about pointing out that everything in the village got muddy sooner or later, including the people, when Peter shoved him to the ground. "I think you need to get muddy too!" Will squirmed as another boy held him down while Peter rubbed dirt in his face.

"Hey!" All four boys looked up. There stood Merlin. He had his arms crossed and he was glaring at Peter. "You leave him alone!"

"Get away, you idiot!" Will called out. Merlin was even scrawnier than he was. He didn't stand a chance against Peter and his friends.

"You should listen to him, freak," Peter taunted. "If you leave now, maybe we won't kill you."

Of all the things that Will was expecting Merlin to do, rushing at Peter definitely wasn't one of them. Clearly, the other boys were just as surprised, since Merlin managed to get a punch in before they pounced on him. Merlin did better than Will would have expected, mostly because luck always seemed to be on his side. His attackers kept tripping over rocks, and one boy stumbled when his shoe fell off. However, it was three big boys against one small one, and Merlin was soon overwhelmed. It would have been a lot worse if Bess, the baker's daughter, hadn't come along and announced that her father was giving out burnt sweet buns. At the promise of treats, Peter and his friends abandoned their victim and left Merlin and Will lying on the ground.

"Are you okay?" Will asked, getting to his feet.

Merlin looked at him through a black eye. "Uh huh. Don't worry, I get better quick." He winced and wiped his bloody nose.

Will looked at Merlin, puzzled. "Why did you help me?"

It was Merlin's turn to look puzzled. "They were going to hurt you."

"Yeah, but... I'm not even nice to you."

"You were in trouble," Merlin said, as if it was that simple. Maybe for him it was. He rubbed at his split lip and stared at his torn shirt mournfully. "My mum's going to be so mad at me."

"I'll tell her it was my fault." Will extended a hand to help Merlin up.

Merlin took it gratefully. "Really? Thanks?" Then he said, a little shyly, "I found a fox den yesterday. Want to see?"

Will considered it for a few seconds. "All right." Merlin broke out into a huge grin. It was kind of dopey, Will thought, but still nice.

"Come on," Merlin urged before scampering off into the woods. It was at that moment Will decided—with all of the absolute certainty that could only come from being six years old—that he had found his best friend forever.

* * *

They were nine years old and Will was absolutely certain that he was going to die.

It was own fault, he admitted. They weren't supposed to play near the river so soon after a heavy rain, but Will had been angry at his father and had wanted to do something bad, and Merlin, well, Merlin wasn't very good at following rules anyway.

Still, he couldn't blame Merlin. He had warned Will not to go so near the water, saying that ground was unstable. Will had laughed him off. The ground looked perfectly sturdy. Merlin had been adamant, but he had refused to tell Will why he was so certain. "I just know," he had said.

As it turned out, Merlin had been right. The earth had slid out from under Will and he had fallen into the river. He was a decent swimmer, but the current was far too strong.

Merlin was looking around wildly, but Will knew that there was no one nearby, and even if Merlin went for help, it would be too late.

Will wished that he hadn't been so angry with his father. Not only was he going to die, but he would be leaving his father all alone. Struggling to keep his head above water, he was more than a little hurt to see that Merlin didn't seem afraid or sad that his best friend was going to drown. He looked intent, as if he were concentrating fiercely. He had one hand stretched out toward the river, and he was saying something that Will couldn't hear over the rush of the water. Just before he went under, he heard Merlin's voice grow louder and louder. Will could hear what he was saying now, and finally Merlin screamed out, "Give him back!" one last time.

The current shifted. Rather than pulling Will down, it was pushing him back to shore. Will was so shocked that he almost forgot to climb onto the bank. In his experience rivers emdid not do that/em. Coughing up water, he stood up unsteadily and stared at Merlin. "Your eyes are gold," he pointed out dumbly.

Merlin's eyes faded back to blue. He looked afraid and took half a step back

Will had never seen magic before, but he knew enough to recognize it. He had heard stories, mostly about wicked witches and evil sorcerers preying on the innocent. About a year ago, a woman two villages over had been burned alive after she had been accused of using magic to make her neighbour's cows barren. Merlin wasn't wicked or evil, he wouldn't hurt anyone's cows, and Will definitely didn't want him to get burnt to death. "Um, thanks. For saving me, I mean."

"You're welcome. Are..." Merlin stared down at his feet. "Are you going to tell anyone?" His voice was small, but he managed to meet Will's eyes.

"Never," Will replied. "Not even if they threaten me. Not even if they emtorture/em me. They can stick needles in my eyes and break all of my fingers, but I still won't tell."

That made Merlin smile, just a little. "I don't think that anything like that will happen."

"But, if it does, I'll be ready." Will paused. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"My mum told me never to tell anyone. She said that we would have to leave here if anyone found out."

"I'll never make you leave, I promise." Will looked at his sopping clothes and made a face. "Uh, do you know how to dry clothes?"

Merlin shook his head. "Sorry. I can't control a lot of it. Sometimes things just happen. I can move stuff without touching it though." A little bit of pride was creeping into his voice. "And I can stop time."

Will tried not to look impressed. Then he had a brilliant idea. "What about apples? Could you move a bunch of apples? Like, maybe, Old Man Simmons' apples?"

A wide smile spread across Merlin's face. "Yeah, I could do that."

"What are we waiting for, then?" Will laughed. "I'll race you!"

As the two of them ran off, it finally sank in: Merlin had risked his life to save Will's. That meant something. Will had been serious when he said he would never betray Merlin. He'd do anything to protect Merlin. Anything.

* * *

They were thirteen and feeling drunk and giddy. The mission to "liberate Old Man Simmons' finest cider in the name of fairness and justice" had been a rousing success thanks to Merlin's magic and (so Will would insist) Will's genius.

"He's going to be so mad when he finds out," Merlin said with a laugh. "He won't have any idea how it happened."

"He'll still blame us," Will groused. "It's so unfair. No proof that we were responsible, and he'll still say that we did it."

"But," Merlin paused as his mind tried to work through the drunken haze, "we emdid/em do it."

"That's not the point!" Will declared, pointing dramatically for emphasis. "You should have proof before you go accusing people of things." He hefted his jug of cider and took a long drink. "A toast to justice!"

Merlin followed suit, and some of his cider spilled out and splashed his shirt. "Damn," he said. "My mum is going to kill me when she smells this on me."

"Nah," Will assured him. "She'll just blame me. She thinks that I'm a bad influence."

"Well, you are," Merlin pointed out. He took a swig of cider. "Don't worry, I like you anyway."

"Of course you do," Will agreed. "I'm utterly fantastic."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"All right then," Merlin said. "What about you is so bloody fantastic?"

"I'm brilliant, handsome, strong, and, uh, I've kissed a lot of girls."

"No you haven't." Merlin scoffed.

"Yes I have."

"Who have you kissed then?"

"Mary, Ruth, um," Will floundered, "I've kissed Ann too!"

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"No way. She's not going to kiss anybody until she's married. She told me so herself. "

"Why did she tell you that?" Will leaned over, intrigued.

Merlin blushed. "I wanted to kiss her."

Will scowled. "I'll bet she's a rotten kisser. Not like me. I'm a great kisser."

"I'll bet you're not."

"I am so."

"Prove it."

So, Will did. He put his hands on Merlin's shoulders and pressed their lips together. It wasn't very exciting until Will flicked his tongue across Merlin's lips. Merlin started a little and opened his mouth wider. Merlin's mouth was soft and tasted like cider. It was easy to deepen the kiss until Will's tongue was brushing against Merlin's, and then they were both groping at each other wildly.

Will hadn't been completely lying. He had kissed girls before. However, it hadn't been nearly this good. He wasn't sure how far they would have gone if Merlin hadn't broken the mood by cracking his head on a tree trunk. He cursed, then smiled apologetically at Will as he stood up. "Old Man Simmons is going to come looking for us any minute now."

"Yeah." Will got to his feet as well. "Oof!" He stumbled and grabbed onto Merlin, nearly bringing them both tumbling down. They maneuvered until they could walk by leaning against each other. Will let his fingers trail along Merlin's backside and they both laughed. Will laughed again simply for the sheer joy of it. Everything was wonderful. The day was warm, life was simple, and Will was beginning to think that he might be a little bit in love.

* * *

They were twenty and Will had never been so angry in his life. He snarled as he kicked a milk pail, sending it flying.

"Will, be reasonable,"

Will whirled around, furious. "I'm perfectly reasonable! You're the unreasonable one! What's reasonable about abandoning everyone?"

"I don't have a choice, Will. I have to go."

"Why? Why do you have to go? Give me one good reason."

"Because... because my mum won't hear of anything else."

Will slammed his hand against a tree. "You're a grown man, Merlin. Tell her no!"

"Oh, yes, that will work," Merlin snapped. "She'll just kick me out of the house and make me leave that way."

"So, you can stay with me. There's plenty of room. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." A painful silence passed between them. "You don't want to go, right? Right?" Will sounded as if he might be afraid of the answer.

Merlin hung his head, then forced himself to look at Will. "Haven't you ever wanted something other than this?" He gestured wildly around him. "Something more?"

Will stared at Merlin, a defeated look coming into his eyes. "No," he said. "I never have. I'm content with where and who I am. But apparently our little village isn't good enough for you." The hurt on his face made it clear that he wasn't only thinking about the village.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it? Go on, tell me."

"Because I don't fit in here!" Merlin nearly shouted. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "You know that it's true. Everybody does, even if they don't say anything. I was a freak as a child, and it's not getting any better." He shifted uncomfortably.

"What makes you believe that the people of Camelot emwon't/em think you're a freak?" It came out nastier than Will had intended and he flinched. "Shit, I--"

Merlin didn't let him finish. "Forget it," he spat. He turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait! Merlin, wait!" Will hurried after him. "I'm sorry, I really am. I'm a piece of shit, a total bastard, a real arse."

Merlin stopped. "You don't have to stop there," he said after a few seconds. "You're a lot of other rotten things too."

Will gave a relieved laugh. Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around Merlin, smiling when Merlin let himself lean back and relax against Will. "Is it my fault?" Will asked. "Is it because your mother knows that I know?"

Merlin sighed. "This was a long time coming, Will. It would have happened no matter what."

"You're all I have," Will murmured in Merlin's ear. "Once you're gone, I'll be alone."

"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered.

"I know. Will you forget about me?"

"Never," Merlin promised.

"Good." Will sighed, then spun Merlin around and pulled him into a deep kiss. "Come on," he said with forced joviality. "If I only have a few more days with you, then I'm not going to waste a second." Merlin laughed and took his shirt off, while Will tried to focus on what he had and not think about what he was about to lose.

* * *

They were, oh, forget it, it didn't matter. Will knew that he wasn't going to live to see another year. Hell, he wasn't going to live to see the sun set.

He still didn't like Arthur. The man was arrogant and obnoxious, and all around bastard. But it wasn't him Will was dying for.

He was babbling about magic now, taking the blame and doing one last thing to protect Merlin. None of it was what he really wanted to tell Arthur. "Take care of him" he wanted to say. "He needs it. He can protect everyone but himself, so someone has to watch his back, and it's going to have to be you."

He couldn't say any of that though. He didn't have the strength, and he doubted that Arthur would have listened anyway.

It was a relief when he was left alone with Merlin. He didn't want to share these last few moments with the world. He could admit to being scared without worrying about being judged. He could say anything and Merlin wouldn't care about him any less.

"Will you forget about me?" he had once asked. "Never," Merlin had assured.

He hoped that it was still true.


End file.
